Self care over the holidays

Can you believe it’s already the holiday season of 2023? I feel like just yesterday we were celebrating the end of 2022!

As a professional that works with many individuals with high anxiety, it’s important to remember how anxiety provoking this time of year is. Many of us LOVE the holidays and can’t imagine why it would be a stressful time, and others dread it. But regardless of your love or hate for the holidays, anxiety tends to be present for many.

Excitement and fear can often present as the same physical symptoms in our body; we may feel tightness in our chest, have a hard time sleeping, feel antsy etc. When I work with my children in therapy on emotional strategies, I teach that the yellow zone in Zones of Regulation often includes “too excited” for many! With the holidays comes tons of excitement, anticipation for celebration with lots of people, looking forward to gifts, and no school! This can also translate to eating a lot of sweets, social exhaustion from masking or spending a lot of time with expectations to socialize with people we don’t see all the time, potential disappointment with gifts, and lack of routine leading to overwhelm and anxiety. Not to mention the pressure of maintaining traditions, which often leads to exhaustion and high emotions if high expectations aren’t met.

This year I wanted to take time to validate the anxiety of the holidays, and to remind everyone that it is ok to set boundaries with your loved ones and to take rest to take care of yourself!

You probably are rolling your eyes reading this like “Kristina I have family traditions to uphold and people to please”. I hear you folks 100% loud and clear, believe me the people pleasing in me is strong especially over the holidays. However, this is why it’s so important to take time to plan your holiday survival strategy!

Are you similar to me and have a strict bed routine ? (Or maybe it’s your children who do?) Make a game plan with the people you’re going to holiday celebrations with so that you have a certain time you are leaving and try to stick to that! In these moments your friends and family may not agree that your bed time is more important than hours more of holly jolly-ness, and you can’t control them…. But you can allow yourself to not feel guilty for taking care of yourself and your family.

Do you have specific dietary needs or rules that need to be followed by your children? Take time to create a united front with your partner, and take time to reconcile with yourself that you will be holding those boundaries. Bringing extra food, limiting something your child isn’t supposed to have etc is all appropriate if it benefits you…. At the end of the day keeping normalcy for yourself and your family can be essential to avoid holiday burnout !

With many of my clients we talk about getting through the holidays. And many of them don’t want to go to holiday parties but aren’t able to skip out. I totally empathize, sometimes being present at a family gathering is not a question and is expected. If you can’t modify your family’s expectations for the holidays, take time to create some built in respite for yourself. Perhaps you need to “call a friend” in another room or take time to sit outside during a party. Many of my clients know my bathroom trick where I go sit in the bathroom for a socially appropriate time to just breathe and decompress. Maybe you build in time after the holiday rush to just be a blob on your couch and read a book or to just have a home day where your kids play with all their toys and there’s less social interaction.

In sessions my clients and I will explore what that looks like individually to help them plan for the holidays, but obviously in a blog post I can’t do that…. So here are MY personal holiday survival strategies for the year in a general presentation so you can hopefully make your own!

1. Plan a self care time – I have books, video games, crafts and tv series planned out for when I need that down time during the holidays; and I always schedule the 27(after all the holiday hubbub) to 100% chill out. If you don’t have a full day available, at least schedule something small just for you

2. Suggest an activity to relax everyone at the family party- every year my small part of my family does the giant new year crossword at Christmas! It’s such a great way to exist without performing for people. This year my sister and I planned a paint nite that she’s running so we can all paint together

3. Hype yourself up to hold your boundaries – last year my wife and I talked about new years being exhausting and the day of we made a plan to be super socially engaged at the new years dinner and then to leave at 10pm…. It took a lot of hyping up and planning to follow through but we were both so much happier in bed than dragging ourselves to midnight exhausted

4. Work on being flexible in your expectations – the holidays are crazy for high expectations because of tradition. This year our Christmas Eve plans got cancelled, and I was not about to let myself sulk all day, so we’re going to the Zoo today! Something fun, very non traditional for us, but something to celebrate and bring joy

5. Prep for success – are you or your kids people that need things to get through? Make sure you’re packing your bag like Mary Poppins so you’re set for success. I don’t have kids but I’m always bringing crayons, colouring books, fidgets and cool things for my little cousins wherever I go. I also love bringing ear plugs, snacks, little fun games and things to share with my family and fidgets for myself! Having things for comfort can be key for a good holiday season’

Something that I like doing for my clients over periods of time they are dreading between our visits is creating a bingo challenge. Feel free to steal mine below, screen shot it on your phone and try to fill it out, or make your own!

Remember, you are deserving of rest, and your boundaries are important! The holidays come each year so if they don’t meet every single expectation every year THAT IS OK! Take time for you this year and celebrate your strength and your care for you 🩷

Happy holidays, stay safe and stay well❄️